Glam but first coffeeHow many times have you felt pressured? Like not good enough? Being questioned, looked at, and forced to “feel” prepared for something you are not ready or do not even want?
How many times have you lied or awkwardly smiled to the person (society) so he would let you go and change the subject? Or maybe, how many times have you changed subject to not answer the question, which, to be honest, is mostly pretty rhetoric!
That is right; this is about the annoying, awkward, and rude “Susan questions.” The questions and rules that TV, news, and even your family force you to live by. Guess what? You do not have to!
Society and rules
You need to be married until 25, have kids until 30, and die around 80. That is how we can see this stigma and society rules, law, and a must-have way to live by. What is the saddest part- it is 21 century, and it is still going on. By now, it should be okay Susan being a 70-year-old granny, going to parties and smoking weed if she wants to and every morning waking up in the bed of a stranger. Because- why not? Women have high position careers now, but men use makeup, because again, why not? I do not care what people do with their lives as long as they do not hurt other people.
Sadly, it is not that way for everyone, and society, including our family and friends, wants to put some rules to live by! I understand we need rules about crime and violence, but we should not have rules and time limits about our careers, private life, and family. That should be everyone’s decision and free will.
Why shouldn’t you teach others how to live?
First of all, it is none of your business. Your life will not be affected by that.
Secondly, you do not know his/her life and thoughts, fears, and dreams- even if you think you do, even if you are a mom or a best friend! I can tell you- in most cases, you do not know what happens with the person, his mind, and his
Thirdly, forced opinion can bring the person to anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I have not researched this, but it is my opinion on this. What I do know is that person can get very nervous, sad, or angry if being pressured and forced.
Lastly, I am pretty sure that some parts of guilt, why so many children, animals, and people are hurt or abandoned, are because of society and pressure. Do you want to be responsible for it? No? Then stop! I can imagine people make children because of family or someone else forced them to. Lately, when children arrive, the person abandons his children or is always angry with them, blaming children for everything.
You do not know his life
I wanted to touch a little more on this point because I know that many people do not think about it and have not realized that they may hurt others this way. I know that I am done without realizing that the person might have health or other issues that stop them from fulfilling these social norms.
How many times have you heard or said to others: Susan, you should get a boyfriend! Peter, are you not going to get a “normal” job? When are you going to settle down, Isabel? Oh, Liz, when are you going to have a baby- your biological clock is ticking!
We can hear these questions many times every day, and I understand you- usually, it is not meant to hurt someone. Sometimes it is just curiosity or worrying about the person. But you do not know the life of others! Maybe Susan is happy alone and wants to travel the world (or perhaps no man notices her and brings her depression). Peter probably loves his job even though his salary is not so good. Isabel is not ready for family and wants to grow her career. But Liz is trying to get pregnant for three years, and you just “stabbed her with a knife”! Or maybe Liz never wants to be a mother- that is an option!
Rhetoric questions
Why do I call most of these, if not all, questions rhetoric? Because they usually involve the word: when?! We can answer the question: when will you go to work? When will you arrive? When will you message me? But so specific and at the same time, general topics such as babies, family, and career are very rhetorical, and I do not think that anyone can answer these questions.
No one knows when he is going to have a baby, for example. He can be planning or wishing in some specific time frame, but not know it exactly and be sure about it. The same about the new job and so on. I see these questions as rhetoric, therefore without sense.
How and what better ask?
If you know the person very well or are very curious about his opinion/ thoughts on some part of his life, there are many better ways to ask the person. For example, if you want to ask about the possible kids in the future. “Have you thought about the kids?”. What do you think about having children? Would you want some? Have you talked to your partner about kids?
Just ask if he is happy in his current job and if it is not possible to get a better salary. Maybe even better to help him with advice instead of forcing him to want something else. The same goes for finding a partner. “Have you thought of dating someone?” Would you like to date someone?
The best way, though, is to stop put a nose in the personal lives of other people. They have every right not to want kids, get married, or build his life around his career.
Discussion. What do you think about social norms? Have you heard these questions from someone?
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